I love you. Let me start with that. You were my beloved. You Are my best friend. You were my sidekick, the Sam to my Patrick, the Ron to my Harry. I could be a loser and a geek with you. I could be free. I didn’t hide. I loved you. I love you.
But you are Such a toxic person it kills me! And it’s not like you’re even bad or cruel. I’d give anything for you to be a royal bitch, the epitome of scum. but you’re an angel, you are quite literally the sweetest, most benevolent person I know.
But you never open your eyes. You never see the world for what it is and the pain it brings and YES there is good and YES there is hope there is also evil and pain. Betrayal.. You’re toxic because you walk into the same damn things time after time and never learn, it’s been 4 years.
I love you. But I cant keep putting you together. I cant keep putting my life on hold. I’m engaged, and I have a baby on the way. You know this is what I always wanted. I’m truly so sorry for having to do this. But I can’t anymore. I can’t fix you, only you can. I can’t make the pain go away. You need to open your eyes, wake up.
Please. Because I’m gone now, and there won’t be someone there to tear you from the edge, kicking and screaming. There wont be someone to take you to the ER to get your stomach pumped, to balance out calling an ambulance and your parents with holding pressure on your arms. There wont be someone to take your bullets away or make sure the only rope in your house is too short to hang from, to make sure you keep breathing!
You asked me what changed, when did I lose it all, you weep in pain for me due to what was done yet you fail to realize that you, YOU, had your part in making me Who and What I am today.
I hope you can forgive me one day. I hope, you open your eyes.